how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
