Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
