Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
