she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
