Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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