I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
