youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
