Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize