It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
