The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
