I faked an abortion last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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