Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
