she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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