I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
