Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
