i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
