I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
