yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
