Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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