she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
