Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
