we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
