Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
