apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
