Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
