Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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