Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
