I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
