After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
