Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
