...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
