oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
