Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
