Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
