it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
