I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
