I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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