fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
