she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
