p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
