I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
