a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
