I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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