I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
