white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I will pee on everything he values.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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