i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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