the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
