Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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