I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So much Jack, so little girl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
