I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
