All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
