you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
