What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
