I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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