i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
