Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
