hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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