I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
